Born To It

Here we are. 4.5 years into being parents of a daughter and we’ve finally arrived at our first dance recital. A moment I knew would come from the second I heard we were having a baby girl. Like her mother, she was born to it.

At the same time though, I wasn’t prepared for today. I wasn’t prepared to walk in this morning and see my own kid taking the stage, curtsying to her parents and grandparents as she finished her routines. That little bit of confidence swelling the same way her mom’s did the second she hit a stage. Its funny what the spotlight can provide for a girl in a tutu.

Sitting there, I had a bunch of thoughts run through my mind. Mainly, how did she get there? How did we get here? How is there a kid old enough anywhere to be taking a stage with the last name Ward.

A moment ago I held her in my arms. A moment ago she gripped my fingers as I taught her to walk. A moment ago she stood on my feet to help her dance across the kitchen floor. This morning, I stood there, in that moment, watching her dance across the same floor she will cross for the next 14 years. Her place of refuge. Like the other dads, I clapped and I smiled and at the same time, some small part of me fought back tears.

You could certainly say it’s cynical to be sad about a 4 year old growing up.. and you’d probably be right. We have a lot of milestones left ahead. Boxes left unchecked. But as a father with only one daughter, this is another one of those that we put in the rear view. Another first we won’t ever get back. The joy that comes from new things now put into the category for Ryan of “I’ve done that”. An ever growing list of check marks that 4.5 years ago I always knew would come but now that we’re living it, I can only wish would slow down. And that’s the beauty and sadness in being a parent. It’s a one shot deal. You get to live these moments as they come with your kids and then sadly, you realize you’ll never get to do it all over again.